We gotta get rid of those turbines,
they're ruining aviation and our hearing...
A turbine is too simple minded, it has
no mystery. The air travels through it in a straight line and doesn't
pick up any of the pungent fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.
Anybody can start a turbine. You just
need to move a switch from "OFF" to "START" and then
remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is
harder to start.
Cranking a round engine requires skill,
finesse and style. You have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking
up a horny mistress. On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to
do it...
Turbines start by whining for a while,
then give a lady-like poof and start whining a little louder.
Round engines give a satisfying
rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big
macho fart or two, more clicks, a lot more smoke and finally a
serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY thing...
When you start a round engine, your
mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a
turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but, hardly exciting.
When you have started his round engine
successfully your crew looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl
too!
Turbines don't break or catch fire
often enough, leading to aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A
round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow any
minute. This helps concentrate the mind! Turbines don't have enough
control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to
fiddle with during long flights.
Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp
full of Coleman Lamps. Round engines smell like God intended machines to
smell.
